


No Kidding

by get_thee_to_a_shrubbery



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Highschool AU, also Jade has ADHD, also Jade's a cheerleader, because that isn't totally overdone, cause why not, fat Rose, fat and beautiful Rose, i was feeling kinda depressed and a bit of innocent criticism hit harder than it should've, it was gonna come up in chapter 2 but i've decided this is a one-chapter fic, so yeah I'm sorta not feeling this fic anymore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-24 19:57:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3782431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/get_thee_to_a_shrubbery/pseuds/get_thee_to_a_shrubbery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Really," Rose replied, raising her voice just a bit louder. "You, the pretty, skinny, popular cheerleader, are not only queer, but also by some miracle have fallen for the fat, intimidating goth girl? Forgive me if I don't swoon and jump into your arms right away, and instead opt to recognize the obvious prank that's being pulled."</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Kidding

Rose Lalonde was fat. She knew that. She also knew that she was beautiful, and anyone who said otherwise would get a death glare like no other. A glare she'd perfected over time, only a little out of necessity. She did enjoy a certain "fuck the haters" sort of attitude, of which those happy few in her circle of friends approved.

A recent possible addition to that circle was a girl from her Biology class named Jade Harley. Rose wasn't sure she'd consider them close friends yet, per se, but recently they'd started having conversations that went beyond the occasional "I didn't write down the Bio homework, what was it again?" Rose was just a bit surprised at first that Jade, the bouncy cheerleader, would be hanging out with her, the infamous "creepy goth chick," but as they talked more and more, Rose learned that there was a lot about Jade that was surprising.

Despite her choice of extracurricular, as well as her bubbly (and admittedly, a bit ditzy) personality, Jade was incredibly smart. If anyone at their table was confused, Jade ended up being the one explaining what the heck an anticodon was. Another surprise was that Jade wore contacts. Rose only found this out when she came in one day wearing glasses after forgetting to get new lenses.

Usually, after Biology, they’d head off in opposite directions down the hallway to their lockers. Today, however, Jade caught up with Rose and started walking for a bit. “Hey, uh, can I ask you something?”

Rose wasn’t too surprised, this hadn’t been the first time Jade had risked being a few seconds late to continue a conversation. “Of course, what is it?”

What Jade did next _was_ surprising. She asked her out.

 

*                *                *                *                *

 

In seventh grade, Rose got asked out by a boy. Containing her excitement (Because that was the goal, right? Getting boys to like you?), she simply responded with a calm, “Yes.” This apparently turned out to be a mistake, as the boy started laughing, as well as his entourage, which had remained unnoticed until now. At the time she acted like the names they called her didn’t phase her, but she cried in the bathroom later.

In freshman year she got asked out again, this time via text, and this time with a different response. See, somewhere along the line, Rose had realized that she was most certainly gay and not attracted to boys in any real way. She politely declined, explaining this. This apparently turned out to be another mistake, as the boy got angry, cussed her out, and called her names like “bitch,” “dyke,” and, most notably, “whale.” Luckily, this time she was in her room and didn’t have to retreat to a bathroom in order to cry.

In sophomore year, a girl asked Rose out, via phone call. Containing her excitement (Because this was _actually_  exciting), she responded with a much more enthusiastic “Yes.” This apparently turned out to be yet another mistake; giggling was heard in the background as the other girl held the phone away from her mouth for a few moments, before coming back and apologizing to Rose, saying she did it on a dare, and she didn’t mean to get Rose’s hopes up. Rose sat in silence for a while after the girl hung up.

Rose wasn’t going to make any more mistakes.

 

*                *                *                *                *

 

"I was wondering if maybe, you'd wanna go out?" There was a split-second which Jade apparently registered as a pause before adding, "On a date?"

They were at Rose's locker, and as she stared at her combination lock, for just a brief moment Rose contemplated saying yes. But no, she knew what this was. "It's not nice to play jokes like that."

Rose could see the cheerleader in her periphery cocking her head in (surely feigned) confusion. "Huh?"

"These are the sorts of pranks that stay with someone for the rest of their lives. Tell whoever dared you to do this that they are contributing factors to the self-hate that society imposes on a lot of girls." Rose struggled to string the words together without a single personal attack or curse word. 

"Dare? What do you... N-No, nobody dared me, I really would like to go out with you!"

Rose turned to Jade. She was not having any of the cheerleader's bullshit. "Really," Rose replied, raising her voice just a bit louder. "You, the pretty, skinny, popular cheerleader, are not only queer, but also by some miracle have fallen for the fat, intimidating goth girl? Forgive me if I don't swoon and jump into your arms right away, and instead opt to recognize the obvious prank that's being pulled."

"Rose, wait-"

But Rose was already heading at full walking speed towards her Advanced Strings class. It had been a mistake to think of Jade as a potential friend, and Rose was done making mistakes.

 

*                *                *                *                *

 

TT: Pages 410-415, and answer the questions on page 417.  
GG: ok, thanks!! :D sorry for bothering  
TT: Anytime.  
\-- 2015-04-14 -- 17:13 --  
GG: rose?  
GG: i promise i wasnt trying to trick you earlier  
GG: or prank you, and i was not dared either!  
GG: that would be really mean!!  
GG: ok ok how about this  
GG: heres all the (REAL) reasons that i (REALLY DO) want to date you!!!  


Rose thanked god that Pesterchum, with its variety of features, didn't include a "seen" message. She would prefer to give off the impression that she was ignoring Jade, as opposed to reading every text.

GG: well i like you alot, thats one, ummm.....  
GG: you are really pretty and your makeup is always so good, i mean wow!!!  
GG: you have a nice laugh, i guess thats sort of weird to say but there it is!!  
GG: youre super fun to talk to and also super fun to listen to because the way you put words together is so amazing and you talk like a really good book  
GG: ....gosh that was really cheesy but its true!!! and um i saw one of your poems in the school newspaper (!!!wow!!!)  
GG: and um i think i already mentioned how pretty you are but im going to say it again because you dont seem to think i think so  
GG: but you are  
GG: so beautiful  
GG: and now im making an idiot of myself and also being really annoying  
GG: and also maybe getting my hopes up?? gosh im sorry for spamming so much!! <_< ill stop now  
TT: It's fine, Jade.  
TT: I suppose I was especially quick to judge your intentions earlier.  
GG: !!!  
TT: I've just been the butt of that joke more often than I'd care to admit.  
GG: :(  
TT: To input the ratio of times I've been asked out as a joke to the number of times I've been asked out sincerely would cause a calculator to show a divide by zero error.  
GG: :(((  
TT: Well, I suppose that's not entirely accurate, but I don't count the fuckboy in freshman year.  
GG: :( :( :(  
TT: I guess I let myself get into the mindset that I was The Fat Girl, and even worse The Fat Lesbian, who would probably never get a date, because who would want to date her?  
GG: im really sorry rose!!  
GG: so um....?  
GG: i mean you can still say no obviously!! if you dont really like me in that way  
TT: I'd love to go out with you.  
GG: im not going to be like NOW YOU HAVE T  
GG: oh  
GG: :D  
GG: :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD  


**Author's Note:**

> yes, those almost-but-not-quite 413's are intentional :)


End file.
